You might remember from an earlier post, last week at: Imperfectly_His, where I wrote briefly about being let go from a career opportunity, that would have led to larger projects. The post below is something I composed at the beginning of the week. When I had to face the fact I was discharged for my technical performance.
Sometimes I wish it would have been because I’m strong and opinionated. My race, my religion, or anything other than the above statement. Because those are common areas that I contend with in life. But, not for something I imagined I was nicely skilled at. I said “nicely” because now I know, I need more experience.
Even so, I still hear in my head over and over them telling me, ” you’re not good enough” or ” You did your best, but, it wasn’t good enough.”
With that piece of history, please read the first installment of ‘It could be worse’ As I present you all with my tender feelings as I look for work. While I Humble myself and ask my part-time employers for more hours.
As well, I’m dealing with having another year (thankfully) of paying rent and utilities to my family. After experiencing a vivid but a fleeting moment of believing I was on the road to true independence.
Because that new job would have been our celebration of me being able to maintain a healthy lifestyle, for the past few years. Oh, Yeah! I’ m handling this set back on pure faith and no substances. Correction pure faith and lots of chocolate daily and carbs now and then.
“ It could be worse “
The quote ” It could be worse” is always the quote that one hears, either from a kind stranger or someone who knows your true circumstances.
Yes, the quote is true. But it doesn’t or shouldn’t devalue my pain. As long as I make solid efforts to improve. Then in that case I do have the right to feel the way I feel. But to compare my problems to someone else’s or to compare them to problems of the world, than of course “It Could Be A lot Worse” Period!
I would like to say as a independent and creative minded women, that’s it’s fine I don’t have it all together. It’s alright to experience the pain of disappointment, of a missed opportunity. Also, if I fail at something, it’s normal to have a bit of a slump.
Furthermore, it’s alright if I own up to my feelings and let the anguish and doubts, flow freely as tears from my eyes. To go even deeper, does owning up to my emotions make me appear weak? No! It will eventually make me stronger. Why? Because to admit defeat means I’ve accepted the truth.
However, as I stand in the center of a corridor, where one end is brilliant, obscure with new opportunities, yet to open! Nevertheless, on the other end is a familiar place. It holds me where I stand. With its auditory sensation of emptiness. Every bit I still sense the vibration of the last door shutting behind me; On the path to a better career.
Because that closure is tender, still within me, I would like a moment to vent. I want to accuse everyone for my faults and actions. I would like to share that, being a Christian doesn’t exempt me from being a mortal being, overloaded with emotions. That I can’t always contain. As well, I’d like to share I may not immediately hear Jehovah’s words through Jesus Christ. ( Though I want to!) every time. Referable to the fact I may not like his instructive answer.
Because, my misfortune in the form of a lost vocation. Which brings familiar emotions of feeling rejected, hopeless and stagnant. So, I’d like to invite you to join me for a couple of raw posts on how I am dealing with losing a recent business venture.
Which I’ am now, experiencing the effects of it. Hence I will be writing about how am dealing with it. While I battle with my confidence, and faith.
Until the following post, I Pray God in Jesus Christ can bless us all with a peace of mind, even if it’s just for a bit. Amen ~ Leah
Also for a sneak peek for the up and coming post please go to: Imperfectly_His