it could be worse

You might  remember from an earlier post, last week at: Imperfectly_His, where I wrote briefly about being let go from a career opportunity, that would have led to larger projects. The post below is something I composed at the beginning of the week. When I had to face the fact I was discharged for my technical performance.

Sometimes I wish it would have been because I’m strong and opinionated. My race, my religion, or anything other than the above statement. Because those are common areas that I contend with in life. But, not for  something I imagined I was nicely skilled at. I said “nicely” because now I know, I need more experience.

Even so, I still hear in my head over and over them telling me, ” you’re not good enough” or ” You did your best, but, it wasn’t good enough.”

With that piece of history, please read the first installment of ‘It could be worse’ As I present you all with my tender feelings as I look for work. While I Humble myself and ask my part-time employers for more hours.

As well, I’m dealing with having another year (thankfully) of paying rent and utilities to my family. After experiencing a vivid but a fleeting moment of believing I was on the road to true independence.

Because that new job would have been our celebration of me being able to maintain a healthy lifestyle, for the past few years. Oh, Yeah! I’ m handling this set back on pure faith and no substances. Correction pure faith and lots of chocolate daily and carbs now and then.



                                                                 “ It could be worse “

Part I

The  quote ” It could be worse” is always the quote that one hears, either from a kind stranger or someone who knows your true circumstances.

Yes, the quote is true. But it doesn’t or shouldn’t devalue my pain. As long as I make solid efforts to improve. Then in that case I do have the right to feel the way I feel.  But to compare my problems to someone else’s or  to compare them to  problems of the world, than of course “It Could Be A lot Worse” Period!

I would like to say as a independent and creative minded women, that’s it’s fine I don’t have it all together. It’s alright to experience the pain of disappointment, of a missed opportunity. Also, if I fail at something, it’s normal to have a bit of a slump.

Furthermore, it’s alright if I own up to my feelings and let the anguish and doubts, flow freely as tears from my eyes. To go even deeper, does owning up to my emotions make me appear weak? No! It will eventually make me stronger. Why? Because to admit defeat means I’ve accepted the truth.

However, as I stand in the center of a corridor, where one end is brilliant, obscure  with  new opportunities,  yet to open! Nevertheless, on the other end is a familiar place. It holds me where I stand. With its auditory sensation of emptiness. Every bit I still sense the vibration of the last door shutting behind me; On the path to a better career.

Because that closure is tender, still within me, I would like a moment to vent. I want to accuse everyone for my faults and actions. I would like to share that, being a Christian doesn’t exempt me from being a mortal being, overloaded with emotions. That I can’t always contain. As well, I’d like to share I may not immediately hear Jehovah’s words through Jesus Christ. ( Though I want to!) every time. Referable to the fact I may not like his instructive answer.

Because, my misfortune in the form of a  lost vocation. Which brings familiar emotions of feeling rejected, hopeless and stagnant. So, I’d like to invite you to join me for a couple of raw posts on how I am dealing with losing a recent business venture.

Which I’ am now, experiencing the effects of it. Hence I will be writing about how am dealing with it. While I battle with my confidence, and faith.

Until the following post, I Pray God in Jesus Christ can bless us all with a peace of mind, even if it’s just for a bit. Amen ~ Leah

Also for a sneak peek for the up and coming post please go to: Imperfectly_His


State of the Union

The State of the Union Speech tonight was going to be my first real post on today’s events. But, half way through I felt it wasn’t the post I wanted.  Because I,  didn’t want to rant and perhaps,  I wanted to believe in the dream of what President Obama was telling us.

However, I have to give in to how I feel about a couple of things. Like, the Obama Heath Care . I feel, it’s  not the insurance for me.  But, unfortunately I wasn’t  given that Choice. As  I had received a letter from my insurance, that I wouldn’t be receiving its medical care anymore.

What? I thought calling my insurance company. Who, told me I couldn’t  keep them or my doctors , for the fact that my job choose the presidents care. So! who I’m really mad at?! Both, because if He (Obama) hadn’t demanded it , than my job wouldn’t have accepted his terms!

Also, let me be clear here as I’m sure that,  O care is good for someone. Especially, if they raise minimum wage to 10.00 dollars for all job descriptions . Because, they’ll need it to pay their new health care, me included.

Okay, enough of  that! To be honest I’m not against our president , he has done a lot of good things such as: Immigration, same sex marriage,  and now working on women earning, truly the same as men. Let’s not forget, getting our man and women out of this war.

Which brings me to a moving moment when, he honored: injured Army Ranger Sgt. 1st Class Cory Remsburg . As a big supporter of our U.S. Troops, I was  completely inspired by his endurance of getting better after his life threatening injuries. He gained them  from a road side bombing, while in Afghanistan. It was a blessing to see him  standing as he received a standing  ovation. That was worth watching the darn speech for me

However, I have to throw some shade as I wipe my eyes, of tears, I watched his comrade clapping from different locations. I thought how great would it had been, if he had stood with him. But, never the less it was a great moment.

I wish I could say more about the speech, however a lot of it needs to been seen . Otherwise, it sounds like a great diplomatic speech, for us who are living in the Haves and Haves Nots era. Which isn’t your Oprah’s version.

Blessings ~ Leah